grammartime

i love you. thank you for letting me into your lives.

southern cities are like summer camp for real cities

I have seen where the wolf has slept by the silver stream.
I can tell by the mark he left you were in his dream.
Ah child of countless trees, ah child of boundless seas.

What are you, what are you meant to be?
Speaks his name for you were born to me,
Born to me, cassidy.

Lost now on the country miles in his cadillac.
I can tell by the way you smile he is rolling back.
Come wash the nighttime clean, come grow the scorched ground green.

Blow the horn, tap the tambourine.
Close the gap on the dark years in between.
You and me, cassidy.

Quick beats in an icy heart, catch colt draws a coffin cart,
There he goes and now here she starts, hear her cry.

Flight of the seabirds,
Scattered like lost words,
Wheel to the storm and fly.

Fare thee well now, let your life proceed by it’s own design.
Nothing to tell now, let the words be yours, I’m done with mine.

i'll use this entry for my kitchen table today. the cigar box with rolling papers and change.

1.
girls who ride bikes or who hang out with bike riders. band photo.

2. gorgonzola stuffed filet, asparagus, pilsners, brownie, gay waiter with rick astley teeth. "happy birthday GIIIIRL".

3. she made me bird seed, bird feeder (i wanted one like circe's)
my mom plays melodica better than i do
"tell me what to play!" she says
STAIRWAY! PLAY STAIRWAY!
she did. i got a cd from circe in the mail.
(all of these go in my pocketbook)


(the sun is coming up earlier these days
spaghetti stained tupperware orange
i think in haiku but i always spill a little)


a cutelet by my sanguine shaun flynn who is embarrassed by the internet:

K is for Karate, I see you kicking ass!
A is for those poor unsightly Asses
T is for the Thanks i give, forhelpingmestalkmyspacechicks,
E is how i'll Eat unlucky masses!

I is for the Indigestion i got from denim crusted gristle,
S is Satisfaction i get from gnr's patience whistle

F is for the Fun we had drinking all the beer
R is the skateboarding that smote bruises upon my Rear
E i've said before, and it takes a while to Eat them,
I wake up early in the morning, and marinate the meat then.
G is the very Goodtime we feel, when baltimore
Has you for a meal, just because you are not very gritty!
T IS FOR TITTIES
!

(shaun wears little scarves that look like fancy lettuce.
you never know what his face will do but you can rubik's cube it back.)

i bought a real journal this weekend from my friend mag (to whom i drunkenly admitted my fancy for her face. i'm always staring.) i'm getting out the sad bastard set on paper instead of porch. i feel like i'm in dr. katz squigglevision most days.

it was 85 degrees all weekend and my eyes feel like slippery condom hands from the pollen. i bought this outdoor carpet for my shingley balcony that looks like easter grass and hot-glued daisies on it so i reckon i grew a yard. apple and i thought it would be okay to lay out in our bras so we did. this was right after we ate at taco bell:

:::steve perry and a/c blaring:::

kate - "you think people think this is what north carolina people do? listen to journey and hang out in parking lots?"
apple - "this IS what we do"

:::non-ironic summertime fist pump:::

darling lucas was here from chicago. he writes about it! misterbuckets.wordpress.com
(i love you, dudles, i miss you already!)

things that made sense:
-Simple Obtainable Joy. plastic kites, cracker barrel games, puking up duvel with a good friend right next to you.

next up:
karamae will you make me a mixtape with awesome old love songs on it? i would send you all the cheerwine and fried chicken you want. FOREVER.

when i was four, i got in trouble at daycare because i repeated a line from fast forward (think breakin 2: electric boogaloo edited for hbo), not knowing what it meant: "you just smile AND KICK HIM IN THE BALLS".

i don't know why i said it, why the other kid ratted me out, how my mom kept from laughing when the daycare lady told her, but i remember it because i got in trouble. it was one of the hundreds of times my mom punished me for doing dumb kid shit that i didn't understand until later.

last night, i listened to my next-door neighbors. they have a drum kit. in an apartment. apple and ceci and i listened to the CRACK!CRACK!ENUGH! by the door as if it we could hear people fighting or fucking, the only things worth eavesdropping. out in the hallway, work clothed, the day pressed out of us, our faces carhood warm from radiators and miller lites. a dog runs up the stairs and we're invited in.

it's like being in high school and some scummy friend of yours has a brother who goes to community college and everybody wants to hang out there because you might see somebody getting fingered or learn how to build a gravity bong out of a trashcan and bart simpson water bottle.

"WHOA! ALAN PARSONS PROJECT! I LOVE THAT RECORD!", i cry. i noticed the cover has been ENHANCED by gold paint and ADORNED with sharpie'd initials. they don't have a record player. it was like my landlord bought these people at big lots and put stereolab stickers on them to play a joke on me.

i told my mom about these people and she reminded me of the "friends" i chose in high school and why she was always mad at me. of course, i didn't understand then. i'm not sure if these things are related but i will tell you that the minivan covered in transformers stickers and a missing window taped up with diapers in our parking lot is not mine.

jason and i were up late on the phone talking about american idol and how rad it would be if some friends ACTUALLY bought cairo, illinois and the jobs we'd want to have. after that, i thought it'd be a good idea to listen to ryan adams and think about how sad i was in chicago. how homesick. i was listening to that part in "oh my sweet carolina" where he goes:

"i miss kentucky and i miss my family
the sweetest winds, they blow across the south"

i started sobbing and then i realized that i was home. ethel figure-eighted my legs and i remembered bedtime.

five hours of sleep later, i look like one of those steaks in the reduced-for-quick-sale section.

it's going to be 80 degrees today and my sweetlepeach will be here saturday morning. i'm five-slip-n-slides-taped-together excited. this jubliance: i'm going to throw a little tax money into some frisbees for disc golf and maybe a kite.

my friend at work just told me how she is gonna be an egg donor for money. i stared back at her like a thrift shop successories poster.

i believe in something bigger than me. i really do. (this having nothing to do with my buddy trying to hock her little lilies but everything to do with knowing where i stand, who/what should be important. i get tested alot. learn sneaky lessons. you only have to touch the radiator once to know not to do it again. okay maybe twice.)

my birthday is three weeks away and i reckon i need to throw a housewarming party so make note! i'm having a goddamn party on april 1st and you're invited! my birthday is 3/21 but i'm posting this early as shit so out of town friends can come COFF donna! circe! COFF. and because i know ya'll have tons of money laying around and want to buy me stuff so i'll keep the casseroles coming.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/registry/1B7QA5GMD8YVE

also, i'm thinking about getting rid of my cell phone and getting a calling card. is this a good idea?

friday night was unbelievable.

my parents came over and my mom spent twenty minutes telling me how important steely dan is to dance music. then we all got up and danced around. have you seen that movie SHAG? me, my mom and my daddy cuttin a rug. i got them good and liquored up and they spent the night. we all went to my favorite diner for breakfast the next morning and i realized i had just partied to hard with my parents.

horizontal saturday (credit erica norman mailer). gave tracy girly birthday presents which i don't think he liked very much and fell asleep to forrest gump whereby totally missing emily's party. apple texted me later that they were playing the smiths so it's better i wasn't there :)

yesterday, i saw style wars at the neigborhood theater, played music with my friend josh, and somehow ended up eating pork tenderloin at my friend celery's house before my ladies came over to watch stories.

this is how i spend my weekends in charlotte. because i go out of town so often, i never really feel like i live here. though i certainly i have friends that i adore, i don't feel like i've really gotten close to anyone. apple moved down the street but it feels like seperate islands somedays. it's so easy for me to huddle up by myself that when i get out i'm scared no one will recognize me. i think i'm lonely. not in a clutching-yearbooks-and-sobbing-to-disintegration way but in a why-are-all-of-my-phone-calls-from-out-of-town way.

there are a million little birds living all around my apartment. they sing together at the same time.

i forget all the time that i'm not always talking to my friends.
last night, in line at the store, a mom and her little baby in front of us,
baby shows us his NEW TEETH! he only has two and they are on the bottom and they are totally precious.

so i say to his mom, "aw man! the only thing cuter than baby teeth is diaper butt".






crickets.

all of the sudden i thought about how that could sound.
(see lj icon)

my parents are coming over for dinner tonight. i'm fixing them artichoke marinara. i always feel so adult like and responsible until i have to ask things like, "can you bring a couple of folding chairs?".

READ: dave eggers' new book - HOW WE ARE HUNGRY
short stories with metaphors that make mine seem like i'm quoting ally mcbeal.

how i'd like to spend my $1400 tax refund check:

- melodica and a taco truck to play it in
- swatch watch with sushi on it
- haircut by someone besides myself
- customized paddleboat with my favorite foods airbrushed on the sides
- carpety treehouse for ethel and a parakeet room for her to play in

how i will spend it:

- paying off credit card debt. maybe a fancy steak dinner at some mall restaurant with jason.

fuck you, kevin bacon:

- since i saw that movie Stir of Echoes, i am unable to drink oj in the middle of the night for fear of that swampy toothless girl crawling out of my water heater.

bonus features:

- i was talking to my friend, mike solo about paranoia: i sometimes feel like there are two punchlines and i'm only getting the tbs sunday afternoon movie version.

one day you're eleven years old staring at yourself in your mom's floor length mirror, using her fds as perfume, hoping that by sixteen you'll be just like kristy swanson circa THE CHASE.

then one day a guy called fudgie is tattooing a coat hanger on you in baltimore. and you're happier than you've ever been. you're the exact number of jellybeans to win the raffle.

i don't want posters from rock bands on my walls anymore.
no one really needs eight tortoise posters (welcometoadulthoodasshole) okay i'll keep the framed ones.

we wish you all guitar face inducing handjobs, gas station roses, and short waits at olive garden.


gloppily, sloppily,
kate and harry

(me and panna are having valentine's dinner at wendy's over a carolina classic burger - mustard, chili and slaw ALIVE ALIVE O!)

i watch you hangout under the bleachers
getting confetti'd with dirt chunks from ankle-tied footsie players overhead.
you've got icee teeth, girl.

you know you did this to yourself.
you know you keep it fed and watered.
stuffed and mounted and horribly yours.

(the claw will keep dropping the doll behind the glass, whether you name her or not.)

my stomach medicine is affecting my vision so i have an actual excuse for more glasses!

do ya'll like these? $50
http://www.fabulousfannys.com/images/VW041-05-1.JPG

or THESE? $50
http://www.fabulousfannys.com/images/VW041-05-3.JPG

or THHEEEEEESSSSEEE? $125
http://www.fabulousfannys.com/images/SPEC002-05-3.JPG

welp, we're moving this weekend. the apple tree is conveniently located one street away from kate estates in scenic dilworth. we sure could use some help on moving stuff on saturday morning!

i'd like you to remind you of the scene in short circuit where #5 is being shot repeatedly and no one helps him. do you wish that helplessness for us? DO YOU?

some of my favorite people have signed up for myspace and found me on it lately.
this is bobby and nikolina. bco buds: harleyquinn!

nikolina has the most severe midwestern accent i've ever heard. we worked at the make-up counter at marshall fields on state street. we both talk too fast and too much so between our accents and our jubilance we sound like a bargain bin venetian snares record.

jason was here this weekend so naturally we ate our weight in pizza rolls and watched a hundred movies and hugged until the seams burst.

my friend panna told me he was moving to rock hill and i said EW WHY
and he said he didn't need to live in charlotte to smoke pot and watch tivo.
the most reasonable thing i've ever heard, really.

my best girl, karey called right after that to tell me she's gonna move back down here because having a best friend is all that there really is. she said she kept having dreams of us living in a house like the one in the notebook. drinking lemonade on the porch and tactfully complaining. fanning ourselves with sunday papers, barefeet dangling.

finally. my windows lifted, my papers weighted.

all i have thought about all day is kissing. about kissing and that swishy no cable sound that tangled jeanlegs make. about hiding sighs in fuzzy folds. about what a goddamned shame it is that you can't just add water or paint by number to get that pickled paradise whenever you want.